and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
