There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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