Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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