Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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