ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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