i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
