Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize