How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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