I puked a lego.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
