my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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