My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize