I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
