Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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