just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
