i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
