Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
