Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
