Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No subtext here. People are naked.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
