Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
this hospital has no fireball
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
