hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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