I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
