I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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