We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
