You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
