He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
