She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
