is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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