He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
