"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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