she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize