duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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