I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
