the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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