all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
