just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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