it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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