I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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