I just threw up on my dentist
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
