I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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