that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
