For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
