Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
