i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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