i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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