I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
