There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
