I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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