My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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