I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
