Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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