You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
