3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
