Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
