Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
