NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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