do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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