Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
