You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
