Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize