How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
