I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
