Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
