new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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