I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
