just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
