I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
